The end might be around the corner, but never close enough to stop him from missing, remembering, loving, and imagining constantly. His nostalgia so strong and almost permanent, he misses everyone. He remembers everyone... With every name that he calls, dead or alive, there is a tale... Once there was a childhood, an adulthood, genuine one in fact... Humane enough to be missed. His mind hasn't completely stopped recording, but new events aren't important anymore. Sometimes when I sit besides him, he asks me if my kids are doing good... I don't have kids, I tell him... then he gives me an embarrassed smile, or cracks a joke if he is in a good mood..., his jokes are witty.
He hates family reunions, he hates having to say goodbye one by one, it leaves him empty and sick... First time I saw him cry was in one of those damn reunions. Not too long ago. No! He was sobbing... He still sends imaginary money to relatives, to places that existed once, before an earthquake, a revolution, a war, or just an industrialization project. So I like to see him alot... as much as I can... he reminds me of how late I am, everytime, and how he has been waiting.... The only time I hear him complain. His life so full and so empty at the same time... Not for anybody to say that is time for him to stop... for his current existence is all he desires...then there will be nothing... Death is death... with nothing beyond it... Not necessarily scared, just not done yet.
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I really like this one. It reminds me of my grandfather. I spent several months with him in the summer of '98 when he was dying with lung cancer, just talking to him, helping him shave, whatever he wanted. I was honored to be in the room with him when he died. His eyes were already closed and his breathing labored, but when I walked in, my grandmom said, "Claude, little Bill is here," and he opened his eyes and looked at me; he never opened his eyes again, and about one hour later he died. Throughout his illness, I thought he showed tremendous courage.
Your own story really brings across the sweetness and the innate goodness of your own loved one.
If this comment is too long or too personal, you don't have to post it.
I hope that you are well. I have a new poem and a new pic at my blog. Let me know what you think. It's at:
http: www.sands-of-exile.blogspot.com
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